


Untitled Ficlet (Tumblr Prompt March 2020)

by LogicGunn



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23202070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicGunn/pseuds/LogicGunn
Summary: "I look at him and see everything I've ever wanted. Then I look at myself and see nothing he deserves"
Relationships: Jennifer Keller/Rodney McKay, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 16
Kudos: 73





	Untitled Ficlet (Tumblr Prompt March 2020)

**Author's Note:**

> For an Anon prompt on Tumblr. I hope you like it, it's very rough and I twisted your quote just a tiny little bit to get it to fit.  
> (Perhaps not the most original idea.)  
> I might do more with this in the future, but I might not. I kinda like it as it is.

John smoothes down the jacket of his dress blues and straightens his tie and his medals for the hundredth time. Any minute now, Rodney’s going to knock on the door, dressed to the nines in a sharply tailored suit that John helped him pick out (grey to bring out the blue in his eyes), chrome-shined black shoes that Ronon had made for him on MCX-792, and a boutonniere that Teyla made from berries and leaves growing on New-New-Athos. He’s going to look utterly...devastating...and it’s going to break John’s heart that much more. Keller’s a good woman, smart and kind and stunningly beautiful. She’s the luckiest person alive, and John hates her for that. Hates her more than anything. More than the Wraith, more than Kolya, more than his father. Hates her for having Rodney and wasting him, for not appreciating all that he is and all that he can be, for trying to temper his brilliance and quiet his mind and belittle his fears. Most of all...most of fucking all he hates her for taking Rodney away from him. John would give anything, everything, to have Rodney the way she does. His limbs. His career. His life. He would die for Rodney, kill for Rodney, he once talked a man into suicide-by-Wraith for Rodney. It’s unbearable, dangerous, how strongly he feels for him. How he has felt for him for years. 

The rings are tied onto a ribbon in his breast pocket, and John pats them to check they are still there. This will be the single hardest thing he ever has to do, but he knows he has to do it well. This is supposed to be the happiest day of Rodney’s life, and no matter how he feels it’s his job to make sure it goes perfectly. It’s going to kill him to stand at Rodney’s side as he makes promises to love Keller for the rest of his life. Rodney will mean it with all his heart, when he commits to something, he’s all in. It’s just the way he is. John’s going to be relegated to evenings once a week, then once a fortnight, once a month, until finally Keller gets pregnant and John’s out of the picture entirely to make way for the two point four kids and the white picket fence and the dog. Rodney will stay on Earth, commuting via the Daedalus to the SGC, when Atlantis heads back to the Pegasus Galaxy. John’s not a masochist, he’ll go back with the city, won’t hang around to have his heart slowly crushed by increments when he can have it abruptly decimated by absence instead. Rodney won't even notice that he’s gone. 

When his door chimes John knows that time is up. He tries to pull his face into something resembling pleasant neutrality, like his beating heart isn’t being pulled from his chest by Keller’s gloved hands, like Rodney’s best day isn’t his worst. He walks slowly to the door to give himself a few more blessed seconds of honesty before he has to slip into a lie, but his door opens suddenly with the singular impatience of one M R McKay, and Rodney walks in too soon for comfort. God, he looks... 

“John do you think-” Rodney stops abruptly in the doorway, stunned by the look on John’s face when he’s too slow to school his features. 

John clears his throat to cover for his breathlessness. “Rodney...a-are you ready?” 

Rodney doesn’t answer just steps inside and palms the door closed behind him. He looks around the room, at the neatly made bed and the poster of Johnny Cash and the copy of War and Peace on the side table, eyes John’s speech notes on his desk and the tell-tale bulge in his pocket where the rings are still hidden underneath his military medals, then finally back to John’s face. 

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me? All that wasted time...” 

“Rodney.” 

“I’m getting married in ten minutes and I’m only just finding this out now? What the hell were you waiting for?” 

“Rodney, I can’t-” 

“Why?” 

“I look at you and see everything I’ve ever wanted. Then I look at me and see nothing that you deserve.” 

“John.” 

“You should marry Keller. I’m not-” 

“Idiot. How can you not know that you are everything? God and you were just going to stand there and say nothing, let me make the biggest mistake of my life. You asshole.” 

“Fuck, Rodney-” 

“I have to...I have to talk to Jennifer. Tell her...I don’t know. I’ll think of something. Jesus H Christ Sheppard, you are unbelievable.” 

“What does this mean?” 

“What does this...this means you are an absolute dunce and I have no idea why I love you but-” 

“You...I...” 

Rodney points at him sharply. “You! Just! Sit! Stay there! I have to go talk to Jennifer.” 

And Rodney turns on his heel, palming open the door and exits stage left, leaving John alone and wondering what the hell just happened, but feeling hope for the first time since Rodney showed him the diamond ring. 


End file.
